tim's journal

Peter Haile

Today Peter Haile spoke at a church about the necessity of letting God rule our lives. The kingdom of God is not a place that is going to come into being, or place that we go when we go to heaven. The kingdom of God is wherever God is king. He asked an interesting question - when you woke up this morning, who ruled you? Who dictated how you should feel, act or react? At every moment of our lives, we have a god that we serve. That god might be our ego, our fear, our lust, our bitterness, our pleasure, our joy, our guilt, or, it may be Jesus Christ.

I thought about it. This morning, when I got up (at 5), I was ruled by #2, who was crying. I picked him up and took him downstairs. When I sat down, he cried, so I stood up. When I stood still, he cried, so I walked around. Was not my son my god? Well... not exactly. I wanted him not to cry because (1) it isn't a pleasant sound, (2) he was "suffering", and (3) he'll wake #1 and wife. With some introspection, I concluded that I was most concerned about (3) - because, being somewhant analytical, I always predict in my head what will happen in the future. If #1 and wife are tired then the chance of all of us having a lousy day will be rather high, which means that when I come home it won't be so pleasant.

My conception of the future is often my god. When we are late to an event, I think about who we might offend. I expect to be somewhat upset. And, as a result, I really do become upset. Isn't that stupid? I'm upset because I think I'm going to be upset in the future. Of course, the magnitude of this depends on how much sleep I've gotten, as well as how the day went. Two gods are probably at play there, Fear and Ego. I certainly want to be thought of as being responsible, being a capable manager of my family and a model citizen in the communities I'm in. Aren't these things good to strive for?

One of Haile's striking comments was on motivation. There are lots of "good" reasons to do things. For instance, it is good to be kind to neighbors... because it fosters tighter communities who can synergistically obtain a better and happier life. True... but the reason we should do it is because that is the sort of person Jesus is, who loves his neighbors regardless of who they are. We should pay our taxes so that the government will have resources to build roads, bridges, etc. True... but we should do it because Jesus did it. Thinking in this manner gives us the capability of doing good on earth regardless of the consequences. Why? Because we no longer do things to achieve a particular result, do it because that is the character of Jesus.